DIY drippy candles, fragrance: melty hair

DIY drippy candles, fragrance: melty hair

After three years of churning out obsessive Halloween parties, I fancied myself a bit of a halloween expert.  That is, until I went online and discovered that I'm not an expert at all, other people are and I suck.  Seriously, there are some incredible creations out there, and I will be the first to admit that I just do not have the patience nor talent to replicate them.  One thing is for sure, I most definitely do NOT scroll through Pinterest and cry myself to sleep every night, calling for Pan to come cuddle with me.  That would just be sad, so I only do that on Thursdays.

However, this DIY is one that I have seen a few different takes on, and actually looks doable, based on my criteria for laziness.  Every good haunter knows that candles make or break a place, and after our unfortunate first year in which we lit 2 tables and myself on fire, we stick to mostly electric candles, which typically look ugly as sin:

 

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It's officially time for things to get weird.

It's officially time for things to get weird.

This is what Pan will look like this year, except 400% larger and 200% more pissed.

Every year, we throw a Halloween party, and every year, when I'm cleaning ivy out of our stairwell or finding plastic spiders in our food or even worse, finding a real spider and thinking it's plastic and oh my god that is a mistake I will never make again, I decide that I never want to do Halloween ever again.   Spring comes and I am like F*&% no.  Summer will roll around and I will be like, nu uh this is not happening, then sometime in August or September I will see something creepy and BAM I am in full-fledged Halloween crazy mode.  This year, I can thankfully attribute my Halloween mania to the crafty wonder that is Pinterest, a gigantic 4 foot owl from Home goods, and being unemployed.

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Grade A Halloween A-hole

Grade A Halloween A-hole

Anyone who knows me is well aware of my Halloween obsession.  Before I met Love of my Life, I would always be the one hassling friends to get their shit together and I'm pretty sure they got pretty fed up with it. Once I met LOML and discovered he was as obsessed as I was I knew I would never be able to tolerate anyone else.  Needless to say, we lived in a little courtyard complex in Venice, and I'm not entirely sure our neighbors were as enthused with our addiction. For two years, from September 1 to October 31, we spent an unhealthy amount of our time and debt allowance on extreme decorating, so our courtyard friends might look out their window at any given time to find me manically hanging a skull from a tree with blood dripping out of the eye socket, and due to our nocturnal natures were typically woken up at 2 AM to us building a coffin/monster/torture chamber.  One particular neighbor was very quiet and had actually never spoken to us, but he came over one night at 1am and was inordinately calm as he said in his fun Swedish accent: "I don't even know what the fuck you guys are doing, but it's got to fucking stop."  It didn't stop us, but I applauded his effort, and tried to cheer him up with a few extra tombstones by his backdoor.

Anyways, the point of the story is that now we live in a house that is bigger than a shoebox so I'm a bit nervous that we won't get the full effect that we did in previous years.  On the plus side, we have a lot more space and can do awesome things like CREATE A PUMPKIN PATCH, which I have already done and have yet to kill, and am now going to bore you with the progression of my seeds because they are now like little children to me, little precious children that I plan on harvesting and carving into monsters in 4 months.

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Captain Von Smervish

Captain Von Smervish

I just realized that my last post about cats kind of ended with no point, but truly, the only point I could've made was that I didn't really get much done.  However, after all of the excitement of the Bieber fiasco,  I did manage to glue something onto something.

I bought this fireplace for cheap off craigslist a few months ago, and had mad hopes of repainting it to look old. However, there was this big blank moderney squareish thing on the front that looked weird and out of place and I hate it so much.  The obvious answer was to buy a gargoyle head off ebay to cover it.

 

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Growing moss on stuff

Growing moss on stuff

So, being a green fairy and all, I like moss. With the exception of food type substances and most clothing, I would pretty much be ok with moss being on everything I own.  Portland happens to be the ultimate moss-growing environment and also happend to have been an actual motivator for the move up here, so I tried whipping up a handy dandy recipe that will grown moss on whatever you want that I have concocted from various websites.  Here it is:

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Theater chairs - Now infestation free!

Theater chairs - Now infestation free!

I found these gems on Craigslist and it was love at first sight.  What I failed to understand, as many do under "love at first sight" circumstances, is that turning these into something I could deal with on a daily basis would be a giant pain in the asshole. To this day, I still glare at them occasionally for all the sawdust I swallowed and the number of times they fell on me. Ah, l'amour, you fickle beast.

Here are some more "before" pictures.  While I cannot show proof that they were actually infested, I will say that I have no earthly clue how the fabric on the backs got so scratched up.  If that is not the work of a wild animal that is some serious voodoo my friend:

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