Happy V-day! My feelings on Valentines Day have always been quite mixed. On one hand, I feel a lot like this:
It is so over-commercialized, and seeing how 99% of men LOATHE Valentine's Day, it's disturbing and wrong that society has pressured them to buy overpriced flowers and dinner and we are then expected to lose our S%^* when they don't. Contrary to popular belief, most women aren't psychos. How about if partners buy each other flowers when they feel like it, and go out to dinner on nights when the only reservation left isn't at 4:30 or 11, and then we aren't all forced to do it on one day? Wouldn't this be so much better?
On the other hand, Valentine's Days are fun as hell. I get sweet messages all day from the love of my life. I get to chase my cat around screaming "I'm cupid!" until he hides under the bed. Random someecards show up from friends I don't get to see that often and it's the best. Back in my single days, my friends and I would drink wine, cook amazing food and watch funny movies together. Basically, it gives people an excuse to tell them you love them and it's hard to have a problem with that.
I was lucky to be on both the giving and receiving end of this one
But the main reason that Valentine's is both a blessing and a curse is the commercials, amirite? By now, I think we can all do without seeing another commercial for the chocolate diamond, aka the fugliest thing I have ever seen. The silver lining it is that we get to mock the transparancy of the marketers. You just know this concept was created by some fat suits in a boardroom, and they're writing down things women like, and the brilliant idea appeared to them that women like both chocolate and diamonds, so why not combine the two into a gemstone that is the color of feces?
Over $1000 for a dingy-looking diamond ring shaped like a belt. A BELT. ON YOUR FINGER. Why?
My all time favorite commercial, yet another gem by Kay, is for the Leo Diamond.
to see it. Basically, the couple, on the pretense of just looking, go into the Kay Jewelers, and the woman tries on a ring.
I can't believe it fit!
Spoiler alert, it turns out he already sized it and proposes in the store. The problem: wasn't the point of the trip to Kay to look around? Doesn't this give you the impression that the woman clearly wanted to be a part of the decision making process for the ring she wanted to wear for the rest of her life? I mean, it's lucky that she liked that ring and all, but in real life, she probably wants to look around. And second, he proposed in Kay Jewelers??? Here's a tip menfolk, don't propose in a Kay Jewelers. Just don't. She will have to tell her friends and family that, and it will be embarrassing. Find a park or something.
And lastly, my favorite Valentine's Day promotion, because The Bedwetting Store will always have a special place in my heart:
Because nothing says "I Love You" like a liquid-repellant mattress that you didn't have to pay to ship.
Happy Valentine's Day, and stay tuned for a recipe for wine-infused Chocolate covered Strawberries. Whatever you do, with whomever you love, may it be soaked in champagne, and hopefully not urine.