DIY Decaying Bat Skeletons: For the Halloween-obsessed, or the Criminally Insane

DIY Decaying Bat Skeletons: For the Halloween-obsessed, or the Criminally Insane

Sometimes, when you reach a certain level of delusion in Halloween Decorating mania,  you need to take a step back and think: do I feel like I belong in Martha Stewart Living, or do I belong in a place with padded walls?  These bats look like they came straight out of the nightmares of Bruce Wayne, and I felt a little bit like a mad scientist when I was making them.  If you are looking for a smiling, friendly bat that says "Boo! Happy Haunting!", then you my friend have come to the wrong blog.  This DIY takes your decor to a whole new level, without actually purchasing dead bats (which I scarily enough looked into before deciding that it was utter nonsense.  I would MAKE my own dead bats.)  Once you get the hang of it, you can start popping these babies out in bulk and hang them in trees, in a branch centerpiece, or various plant life.  Just keep them out of reach of cats, because mine wanted to kill Frederico with all of his being (yes, of course I named my bat.)

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Decorating For The Seasons

London Snow.  Not sure of the source, but good job, anonymous person.

One of my favorite things about moving from Venice to Oregon is that there are actual seasons here.  Leaves explode into orange and red in the Fall, and snowdrifts sometimes grace us for Christmas.  

There are definite pros and cons to this. February generally marks the time that winter weather ceases to be the charming "lets catch a snowflake with our tongue!" and more "F&%$ this."  Regardless, I try to appreciate the seasons for as long as my finicky nature will allow, and part of that is making my house match the seasons.  Maybe this is just me, but just the smell of apple cider makes me long for hay rides and pumpkin patches, just as the fragrance of salted air and dead fish make me twitchy for Summer vacation and boardwalk taffy.  Creating a seasonally influenced atmosphere not only makes guests feel instantly at home, but just makes you happier and less inclined to kick your car every time the window is frozen over.  Plus, happy people just don't shoot their husbands.  They just don't.

  Karlovy Vary  in the beautiful Czech Republic.

Karlovy Vary in the beautiful Czech Republic.

We tend to have three major parties a year - Halloween, Christmas, and some kind of summertime shindig, and every single time, people come up to me telling me that my house looks like a completely different home, which is because it does.  I approach my living space like it's a movie set - I want it to be "Addams Family" around Halloween, "Little Women" at Christmas, and a mixture of "Something's Gotta Give" & "Pirates of the Caribbean" during the summer.  Notice I left out the Spring, because, eh.  However, if allergy season is your jam, it would be super easy.  Pick flowers.  Sneeze.  Done.

 

So here are my tips in no particular order on decorating in general, and seasonal transformations with minimal investment and time.  I mean, it will take some time.  This blog post does not include an order form for a house elf.  But, it doesn't take as long as you think, nor cost as much as you would expect, especially if you build up inventory over time.  Now, I'm guessing there will be a few of you out there who are thinking, "Why would I do this?  I like my house to look the same all the time."  Well, why are you reading this then?  Don't read this, you bore.

Something's Gotta Give set, compliments of Hooked on Houses.  I am obsessed with this writing nook.

Little Women - another one from Hooked on Houses - this driveway kills me.  Click through for more shots of the whole house, and if you are a serial movie house stalker like me, feel free to consider the next three hours shot on this website.

My neutral sofa that I'm still crazy in love with, as much as one can be with a piece of furniture.  OK, maybe not quite as much, as I have seen "Married to the Eiffel Tower", and those women have a lot of love for inanimate objects and OMG she consummated her marriage.  No joke.  It is a must see.

Step 1: Start with a neutral base.   Whenever I advise on Interior decoration, I always try to steer people away from big furniture pieces with a pattern or a trendy color.  Save the patterns and oxblood for pillows, painted walls, or easily replaceable items, and go neutral for couches and sofas, beds, rugs, dressers, and armoires. I bought some really nice white silk comforters for each bed that look great on their own, but can easily have a duvet thrown on them.  Basically anything that you wouldn't purchase on a whim.  

"But I want an ochre chaise!" you say.  Me too, my friend, me too.  How much fun is it hearing a song you like?   So, so fun.  How much fun is it to hear that song every goddamn day for years on end and changing the radio would cost you $1500+?  The answer is not f%*&ing fun.  Neutrals might be boring to some (I actually like them), but they won't make you want to claw your eyes out with regret in 2 years when you wonder how you ever liked a mod floral print.  If you are still against it, take a snoop through your closet.  You know that stash of items in the corner that you bought years (or decades) ago but can't get rid of because you only wore it 3 times and it was on Sex & The City which was a cultural icon for women and OMG you were totally a Samantha*?  You're never wearing that again, and it was probably ugly.  Yet, you probably still wear that classic LBD or boots that go with everything. However, just because you buy neutral big ticket items doesn't mean they need to be boring.  Hold out for great pieces that encompass you as a person, not just how you view yourself at that point in your life.  

 *I was totally a Carrie.  Until I saw the movies and I was like, ugh, I am a none of the above. 

Words cannot describe how badly I wanted this.

Step 2: Stock up seasonally.  But not at the beginning.  As much as you want to go out and rampage Pottery Barn the second they get reindeer decanters in, hold off until January, when they will be half the price.  Unless money isn't an issue for you, in which case, go wild.  The big benefit to this is that next year, when you break into your bins o' decor its like a brand new present for you, because you will definitely have forgotten that you bought it.  The con is no immediate gratification, but if TIME Magazine is correct, then that's what's wrong with this generation anyway.  I am a believer in quality, not quantity,  I would rather have 4 gorgeous ornaments on a tree than 200 tacky ones.  This way, I get 10-15 ornaments that I love each year to add on next year for the price of 5, or some coral pillowcases in September to dress up the guest bed.  When it comes to candles, it's a hit or miss whether to stock up after the fact.  You might think they lose some scent in storage for a year, but if you go high quality, I've found that they don't.  I keep my Winter owl Anthropologie candle in the linen closet because it is my favorite thing ever and I don't want it to break in storage, and every time I take a towel out I am assaulted with the loveliest sugared pine smell ever, and it is 2 1/2 years old.

Step 3: Stock up seasonally, but the opposite of what I just said.  You may want to change out your linen curtains for some heavier, richer fabrics, so might as well invest in some thermal curtains that will save you money all Winter, then change out for something lighter to let the sun in when you aren't clinging to every ounce of heat in your house.  In this case it really wouldn't make sense to buy in February, because you won't get the benefits of them when you need it, and the selection in the warmer months would be dismal.  Same goes for electric fireplaces (though those can and should be left up year-round) and any indoor plants or other functional items.  (Yes, plants are functional.  THEY PURIFY YOUR AIR.  Do you want to breathe in rank, toxic air?)  Also, pumpkins.  Cable knit throws.  There are a lot more but you get the gist, just use your judgment - can you possibly wait or is there a good reason to buy now?

Step 4: Don't go gimmicky.  I know I'm one to speak as I pretty much buy anything with a skull on it from August - October, but for the most part, steer clear of holiday-ey stuff for stuff that need not be holiday.  Want to decorate your front porch for the Winter?  Great.  Don't buy a "'Tis the Season" or "Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel" doormat.  Or a mistletoe laden wreath.  Focus on Winter items that you can leave up.  What about an antique sled? Or a pinecone collection?  You can always accent it with Holiday accents.  Same for Summer.  No July 4th serving dishes.  And don't get me started on Valentine's decor.  You don't want stuff you can use for a month, you want stuff you can use over time that doesn't lose its charm after an event is over.  There is nothing worse than cleaning up after a Holiday party, because not only are you likely hungover, and said Holiday is over, but then suddenly everything you thought was charming about the Holiday looks SO ANNOYING and you want it out right now, so this step helps eliminate some of that hassle.

Step 5: STORAGE.  It's important.  When you see a good deal on good rubber bins, stock up on more than you think you need and get some good labels. Do not just throw them all in a trash bag then stick them out by the shed and then when you open them next year there are spiders living in them.  BIG spiders.  Clearly this has happened to me.  Learn from my mistake that resulted in me tossing out an entire bag of decorations and rocking maniacally in the closet for over an hour.

I'm a huge fan of chalkboard labels, because you don't have to worry about putting everything back into the right box, and they are super easy to make. Courtesy of Outside the Box!  - visit the site for more directions.

It is also sitting on top of a rusted old wine barrel that we rescued from the boondocks, that caused us much grief in the transportation.

Step 6: Be interesting.  Choose items that have a history or a story.   If you abhor vintage, make something yourself.  Go out of the box.  In the Summer, I put away all my darker throws and make everything lighter.  I break out the seashells, and put my antique model boats everywhere, but my favorite items are one of a kind, like my ships telegraph lamp and an old ships wheel mirror LOML found in my in-laws garage.  These things aren't for everybody, but that's why they're not mass-marketed.  I'm not saying you can't shop at an IKEA, just balance it with something that sets you apart from a model home.  And obviously my idea of Summer is quite nautical.  Yours might be completely different, so make it your own.

An oyster tree.  Not sure where this is from but it's spectacular.

Step 7: Multitask. Sometimes, items that look really "Summery" or "Autumn-ey" can still be repurposed for other seasons.  I have a miniature Christmas tree in my hallway each year decorated with shells with a starfish on top.  Use the same color theme year round if you want.  While deep reds and warm blues will always signify a cozy wintry fire and hot cocoa to me, there is no getting around the fact that the image to the right would be magnificent during the holidays.

Courtesy of The Knot.

This actually happened, and it doesn't even embarrass me.

Who wouldn't want a fireplace of bones?

Step 8 : Be independent.  Which might mean disregarding everything I just said.  If any of the above steps made you angry because you really love your heart shaped china or lime green etagere, or you really think your haphazard storage system is super effective, that means you have some passion for it which I can never hate on.  One of my friends has a relative that owns over 200 light up Santas and proudly displays them on his roof every year, and I think that is badass, although I would never sleep in that house for fear they would come alive and graft reindeer antlers on me for some sick, arthouse statement against the killing of reindeer.  Rock your own style because that is what will make you happiest.  My enchanting mother has a collection of Kachina dolls that I hate with a passion, but she adores them, and despite how much she respects me as a designer, no amount of complaining or disgust on my part will make her move them from the premium focal point of the house.  Now that is true love, my friends.  For her Kachina dolls.  It still really creeps me out that I have to look at a mutant half wolf half human who is on the attack every time I visit, but I respect her for not caving into my incessant demands.  The point is, if you MUST have your turquoise and yellow chevron stripe sofa, then go for it, but please do let me know how you feel about it in 3 years, because, as the love of my life likes to remind me, I love to say "I told you so."  Deal? 


 

No One Cares About Halloween Anymore...

But I'm going to post about it anyways, because I forgot to 2 months ago, when it would have actually been timely.  Behold, this is what takes up my free time from Sept - Oct, and also makes it impossible for me to pee at night without scaring myself shitless.  I get asked for pictures of our parties from friends that miss out, or more likely because then it will get me to stop talking about my Halloween decorations, o I'm putting them up here in the off chance that some rich person will come across this site and want to pay me a lot of money to turn their home into a living nightmare. Enjoy!

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Hot coals made with fire string lights and spray foam.

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Portrait hallway

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Jungle bathroom

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Another homemade book out of dollar store materials.  This one is a tutorial on renting out condos.

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More of the jungle bathroom

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Aaaand another homemade book.

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Dementors!

Overall, I would rate this as kind of a boring entry, and those pictures are terribly out of order, but not much you can do about it now, you're at the end.  Special thanks to cousin Herm for taking these pictures, you are the best.

DIY drippy candles, fragrance: melty hair

DIY drippy candles, fragrance: melty hair

After three years of churning out obsessive Halloween parties, I fancied myself a bit of a halloween expert.  That is, until I went online and discovered that I'm not an expert at all, other people are and I suck.  Seriously, there are some incredible creations out there, and I will be the first to admit that I just do not have the patience nor talent to replicate them.  One thing is for sure, I most definitely do NOT scroll through Pinterest and cry myself to sleep every night, calling for Pan to come cuddle with me.  That would just be sad, so I only do that on Thursdays.

However, this DIY is one that I have seen a few different takes on, and actually looks doable, based on my criteria for laziness.  Every good haunter knows that candles make or break a place, and after our unfortunate first year in which we lit 2 tables and myself on fire, we stick to mostly electric candles, which typically look ugly as sin:

 

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It's officially time for things to get weird.

It's officially time for things to get weird.

This is what Pan will look like this year, except 400% larger and 200% more pissed.

Every year, we throw a Halloween party, and every year, when I'm cleaning ivy out of our stairwell or finding plastic spiders in our food or even worse, finding a real spider and thinking it's plastic and oh my god that is a mistake I will never make again, I decide that I never want to do Halloween ever again.   Spring comes and I am like F*&% no.  Summer will roll around and I will be like, nu uh this is not happening, then sometime in August or September I will see something creepy and BAM I am in full-fledged Halloween crazy mode.  This year, I can thankfully attribute my Halloween mania to the crafty wonder that is Pinterest, a gigantic 4 foot owl from Home goods, and being unemployed.

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Grade A Halloween A-hole

Grade A Halloween A-hole

Anyone who knows me is well aware of my Halloween obsession.  Before I met Love of my Life, I would always be the one hassling friends to get their shit together and I'm pretty sure they got pretty fed up with it. Once I met LOML and discovered he was as obsessed as I was I knew I would never be able to tolerate anyone else.  Needless to say, we lived in a little courtyard complex in Venice, and I'm not entirely sure our neighbors were as enthused with our addiction. For two years, from September 1 to October 31, we spent an unhealthy amount of our time and debt allowance on extreme decorating, so our courtyard friends might look out their window at any given time to find me manically hanging a skull from a tree with blood dripping out of the eye socket, and due to our nocturnal natures were typically woken up at 2 AM to us building a coffin/monster/torture chamber.  One particular neighbor was very quiet and had actually never spoken to us, but he came over one night at 1am and was inordinately calm as he said in his fun Swedish accent: "I don't even know what the fuck you guys are doing, but it's got to fucking stop."  It didn't stop us, but I applauded his effort, and tried to cheer him up with a few extra tombstones by his backdoor.

Anyways, the point of the story is that now we live in a house that is bigger than a shoebox so I'm a bit nervous that we won't get the full effect that we did in previous years.  On the plus side, we have a lot more space and can do awesome things like CREATE A PUMPKIN PATCH, which I have already done and have yet to kill, and am now going to bore you with the progression of my seeds because they are now like little children to me, little precious children that I plan on harvesting and carving into monsters in 4 months.

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