The Fantastical Peafowl Adventure

  BEHOLD, THE FIERCELY MAGNIFICENT PEACOCK, WHO SHALL HENCEFORTH BE NAMED THE REAL COUNTESS EDNA VON FANCYPANTS.

BEHOLD, THE FIERCELY MAGNIFICENT PEACOCK, WHO SHALL HENCEFORTH BE NAMED THE REAL COUNTESS EDNA VON FANCYPANTS.

You guys, you guys, I have seen some weird stuff in my time in Portland, but this was amazing. I have been meaning to write more on this blog, but I kept feeling like the first entry back had to be amazing, because you cant have a 2+ year absence then be like, so snap peas are awesome, amiright?  Although snap peas really are great, but tonight is the night it happened and I was like, THIS. This is my intro to a better, badass blog and it is also the closest I have ever actually come to hugging a bird and both of those things are pretty great things.

Ok so, for started, it has been a long week. A lot of heavy lifting, probably a little dehydration, and not a lot of sleep.  Does this have a point you say?  Yes it does.  Be patient.  So I'm bringing centerpieces out to my van for an event, and as I'm putting boxes in the car, a peacock comes strolling down the lane like she owns the place. To say my heart stopped would be an understatement - this is like a dream come true.  Now, I love all worldly creatures, but peafowl have a special place in my heart, amongst unicorns, cats, and sea otters.  They are epic and awesome yet terrifying a little bit and they have rad stuff coming out of their heads like a 20's flapper and this was REAL LIFE and she had stuff coming out of her head like 3 feet away.   SHE WAS SO CLOSE.  The stuff!!  The head stuff.  it was right there!!  I could have flicked it.  But I didn't obviously because you don't just flick head stuff.

Now here was the problem - my phone was in the house and since husband is out of town, I would obviously need to make him jealous that he missed out and for that I would need picture proof.  I ran like I have never ran before, came back out with my phone, and peacock was nowhere to be found.  I was running up and down the block, and a man gets out of his car across the street and I yell frantically "Have you seen a peacock?!?"  He did not respond to me.  It is at this point that the dehydration comes into play because while I know I look insane to this stranger, what if I am actually insane and there was no peacock?  Did I imagine the whole thing?  I refused to believe this but I was really not gone very long and I don't think peacocks are known for their speed.  Well they might be I don't know. But anyways, just when I was giving up hope, that peacock poked its head over the rock wall in front of my neighbors front yard and the skies parted and the angels sang or maybe that was me I don't know.

I am at once elated by the fact that I am not completely mad and also I will now have proof of this peacock, but I only get its butt as it walks away into her side yard, and from that angle, it may as well be a rooster, which is another animal we have seen wandering around our street so it would not be the epic "booyah" to husband that I had dreamed of.  

Fades right into the background.

To give you a little bit of backstory, I have never once spoken to or even seen this neighbor, and her house is elevated so that you would have to walk up steps to see into her side yard.  That, or climb up her rock wall in the front of her property, which is obviously what I did because PEACOCK.

So I'm up there, but there is a big bush blocking my view of the peacock, and that is when I hear neighbor's side door open.  She starts saying "shoo! shoo!", and for starters, I didn't think people really ever said "shoo" in real life, I thought it was only something evil people said to magical mice in fairy tales, but secondly, are you for real lady?  YOU ARE SHOOING A F$%#ING MAGICAL PEACOCK.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?  As she is shooing, I clearly have no regard for the fact that I am a crazy lady peering into her yard, and I start yelling "Is there a peacock in your yard???"  Of course I know there is a peacock in her yard, but I had high hopes that this could start a conversation along the lines of - her: yes there is a peacock in my yard, would you like to take the steps up like a normal person and take a picture there, why are you wearing that outfit (I was moving stuff all day and it was laundry day I wasn't dressed to impress OK), me: why in the world would you shoo a magical peacock, that kind of thing.

She did not seem to hear me.  I yelled it again, louder, and this time she shut the door.  I once again deliberated if I was insane, and what if this wasn't actually a peacock but a pigeon and I was hallucinating.  Did I even exist? Because the last two humans I had encountered ignored me and the only creature that seemed to acknowledge my existence was this pigeon.  With that possibility, I decided I did not want to be arrested so I climbed down the rocks and walked up into my yard, a bit deflated.  I get to the top of my driveway, and there is the majestic beast, strutting her stuff on top of the fence between our yards like a f$%#ing badass.

To the left...

To the right...

 Homegirl knew how to STRUT.

Homegirl knew how to STRUT.

It was everything I ever dreamed it would be.  I took picture after picture, and at times it actually seemed like she was posing for me. I tried talking to her, coaxing her to let me adopt her.  I told her she could live in our yard, that sort of thing, I promised her food, although truthfully I don't know what peacocks eat and what if they eat mice and I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility so I immediately regretted it.  She turned to say goodbye, generously letting me snap some more photos of her profile, before she hopped down, albeit not gracefully, she kind of made this "oof" sound like my elderly cat makes when she jumps down from the bed when she needs to sneeze, and then this marvelous, effervescent creature exited my life.

I turned to go, whereupon I ran into my downstairs neighbors very shy cat, who had never let me within 15 feet, and I thought this is it, this is our bonding moment.  I said, "Did you see the peacock?"  The cat ran away.  This was not our bonding moment.  

Alas, my adventure with the peacock was complete for the day, and to show the gravitude of this experience, I didn't even floss today, and I floss every day except for very special occasions, kind of like a rewards system, like I was literally standing at the bathroom sink saying out loud "I don't have to floss today because I saw a peacock in my yard", like somehow the peacock appearance will provide some kind of magical barrier to tooth decay.  Fingers crossed she will accept my offer to join the Von Fancypants family because if I get an amazing book deal out of this epic story and we have to move to Bruges for some book deal reason it would be pretty amazing to try to bring her on a plane and "accidentally" let her loose and just be like "oh, is my peacock eating your peanuts?  So sorry about that."  Those words have never been uttered before in the history of time*, and I would like to be the first to say them.  I will end it with ever more photos of her glorious presence:

You can kinda see her if you peer through.

*unsubstantiated

 

 

Vineyard Vines and Teenage Angst

Vineyard Vines and Teenage Angst

While I'm not sure it can go on the record as my all-time, favorite thing in the entire world, I have to say that watching movies outdoors definitely makes the cut for one of my top ten favorite things in life.  I can even admit that I almost rented a place in Venice strictly for the potential for movie-watching on the incredible rooftop deck (however, once the landlord told us it would likely collapse if more than 10 people were on it, we had to pass).  Random, I know, but there is something about laying out a picnic with friends and watching the sunset before a good vintage flick, and one of the saddest things about moving from Venice was giving up Cinespia, the beloved weekly screening of both contemporary and classic films in the historic Hollywood Forever Cemetery, home of somewhat ancient mausoleums, intricately adorned gravestones, and a handful of famous dead people (and some non-famous dead people for diversity).  Once you look past the morally-ambiguous idea of feasting and imbibing over corpses, it can be a jolly good time, and if they didn't want their grave to be urinated on at some point, then they shouldn't have been buried in Hollywood.  (Don't worry, they have port-a-pottys, but I'm quite sure there have been drunk and impatient patrons over the years.)

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Pest In Show!

Pest In Show!

Friends, I must brag for a bit because it just so happens that I have a rockstar in the family.  My cousin Vicky is not only a badass on wheels roller derby champ, but she writes and illustrates AMAZING children's books.  They are funny, clever, and have the kind of illustrations that you could gaze at forever, taking in all the little details.  Her most recent release is the pictured "Pest in Show", and I went to a live reading, complete with costumes for dress up, snacks and crafts galore at the super-cute Portland bookstore, Green Bean Books.

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Cass & Merlune featured on Krrb!

 My vintage nautical float for sale, complete with authentic lichen.

My vintage nautical float for sale, complete with authentic lichen.

Pardon my excitement, but it just so happens that a website I LOVE is featuring my shop this week!  For those of you not familiar with Krrb, it's kind of like craigslist with more of a quirky charm (and less of the "I might get abducted and sold on the black market" feel you get with craigslist).  Collectively, it seems like there are more high end products on there and quite a few really unique repurposed or upcycled items, so it's a great place to sell the items you really love but just don't have room for anymore.  They seem to have fostered a really great sense of community, and routinely do editorials on some of the shops on their website.  Lucky for me, the lovely folks at Krrb chose Cass & Merlune for this week!   I will be sure to mail them a bunch of adorable kittens as a thank you.   

Click here to see my Pioneer Post, and here to view my shop on Krrb.

Happy Spontaneity Day!

Happy Spontaneity Day!

Happy V-day!  My feelings on Valentines Day have always been quite mixed.  It is so over-commercialized, and seeing how 99% of men LOATHE Valentine's Day, it's disturbing and wrong that society has pressured them to buy overpriced flowers and dinner and we are then expected to lose our S%^* when they don't.  Contrary to popular belief, most women aren't psychos.  How about if partners buy each other flowers when they feel like it, and go out to dinner on nights when the only reservation left isn't at 4:30 or 11, and then we aren't all forced to do it on one day?  Wouldn't this be so much better?

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Blackberry Ninja

Blackberry Ninja

7 months ago, as we were moving into our new place, I had a vision of my future summer self, lounging on the hammock with raspberry lemonade made from the fruit I grew as pumpkin vines curled at my feet, ready to do my bidding.  However, things don't always turn out the way you want, as evidenced by my cat's complete incompetency at filing taxes.  So far this summer, my lemon tree has stopped growing and now has white fuzzy things on it that alarm me, those venomous squirrels have eaten most of our raspberries and strawberries, and I'm pretty sure those white fuzzy things might be alien eggs now that I think about it.  Anyways, as anyone know who has eaten fruit straight off the plant/tree/vine, it is about 182 kablillion times better than storebought, and I felt like my dreams were crushed beneath my feet.

Anyways, my work has a giant blackberry bush that is blooming right by the exit to the parking lot.  The thing with this is that people in Oregon treat blackberry bushes like they're a communicable disease and typically don't approach blackberry bushes unless its with a bottle of planticide and full body armor (blackberry plants are very hurty).

 

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Old-fashioned green beauty: leeches for the derriere

Old-fashioned green beauty: leeches for the derriere

For some reason in the past month I've stumbled across three different articles about all natural beauty treatments from ye olden days.  There were a lot of recipes that were really ahead of their times, such an old wrinkle remedy that involved a lead powder concoction (lead poisoning definitely takes the attention away from your crows feet), but the one that tickled my fancy the most was the mention of anal leeching.  I do appreciate that back then, women didn't pay $60 for an eye cream to evil salary magnets like Sephora, no, they just whipped up a skin mask with the good ol' arsenic supply from their pantry.  But you can't get greener than leeches.  Not only is there no packaging to waste, but you are supporting the eco-system by feeding them top-of-the-line human blood, which, according to my vampire book obsession, is so much better than disgusting animal blood.  And apparently, the "discreet lady" liked to keep her leeching private, and what better privacy for both her and the leech than to gently guide the creature towards the anus.  Apparently this was done for the sake of skin whitening, and I think if these women were to time travel today and see women paying to tan their skin in a machine they would most definitely faint whilst shedding a tear over the indecency of the loose-moraled modern women.

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